


if you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first    ̶i̶n̶v̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶   ̶c̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶  𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 the universe

by teddy_or_something



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is a Good Friend, Akaashi is his universe, Alternate Universe, Bokuto Koutarou is a Good Friend, Fluff without Plot, Get it?, Happy Birthday Kenma, Immortality, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Significant Other, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Akaashi Keiji, Oblivious Bokuto Koutarou, and also very fucking pretty, and look at the title, because of one scene that I felt was important to the development of this story, but this is a bokuaka fic, i'm also using canon kuroo, or maybe he's just an insomniac
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27053170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddy_or_something/pseuds/teddy_or_something
Summary: Bokuto Koutarou is your average immortal. He's old, he's single, and he's hopelessly pining after his best friend of 612 years....wait. Shouldn't he do something about that?Title taken from quote: "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe." -Carl Sagan
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 112





	if you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first    ̶i̶n̶v̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶   ̶c̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶  𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 the universe

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I started writing this last month and was waiting until today to post it, and now it's 7 p.m. and I'm just now posting it (because I forgot about it hahaha). 
> 
> I also actually wrote an outline for this?? And it came out to 3k words (and they're a snazzy 3k words if I do say so myself). I also got two (two!) betas for this! Can you believe? Special thanks to Kovvie and Taylor - you guys are the bomb! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Also also also, this title is *quite* wordy, sorry)

Being immortal is really weird. Aside from the whole living forever, can’t die thing, it’s also a really easy way to see how much the world has changed over the course of centuries. All of the lost history, the misunderstood texts- it was all just very odd. Bokuto knows this first hand, as he is exactly six hundred and twenty-eight years old and has lived through things that most people can only read about in history books or PBS articles.

He met his longtime friends Kuroo and Kenma when he was just 15 years old, and when he was 16, he met Akaashi. Akaashi, the man on whom Bokuto has had a crush on for the last 600 years. And yeah, 600 years is a long time to harr a crush, but it’s very difficult to move on from another immortal when everyone else that you show even the tiniest amount of interest in dies at about 70.

Oh, and when the object of your affections is literally the most perfect individual in the world. 

Seriously, Akaashi is perfect. He has smooth, pale skin, gunmetal blue eyes, and messy black hair that just begs Bokuto to run his fingers through it. One would think that Bokuto would have met someone as attractive as Akaashi in 600 years, but no, he hasn’t. Akaashi is heavenly. Even during the times when there were no skincare or hygiene products, his beauty was unmatched. His breath may have always smelled of coffee during the 16th century, and he greatly benefited from actual combs and brushes (his hair was an actual rats nest), but he was still more beautiful than anyone else Bokuto had ever met. 

When you’ve been pining for over 6 centuries, something has got to give at some point. That point was now, October 10th, exactly 6 days away from Kenma’s 628th birthday. Bokuto, Kuroo, and Akaashi were brainstorming ideas for a party for the soft-spoken boy (or man, he supposed), Kuroo jotting down and scratching out ideas as they came, trying to find something perfect.

After two hours of sitting in silence, Kuroo sighs and sets down his pen. “This is useless. What can we do that we haven’t already done in the past 600 years?”

“What if we went bull leaping?” Bokuto supplies, helpfully. 

“There are no bulls to leap over, Bokuto-san,” says Akaashi, “and even if there were, I’m not sure that Kenma would enjoy it either way, given that the sport is even older than us, and he tends to favor more modern games.” 

Kuroo perks up at that. “Games! Video games! We should buy him one!”

Akaashi nods. “But which one?” he asks. 

“Cyberpunk 2077,” says Bokuto immediately. The other two look at him with identical bewildered looks on their faces. “He talks about it all the time,” he rushes to defend himself.

“He does not,” Kuroo scoffs. Akaashi nods in agreement. “Kenma doesn’t even speak enough to talk about it at the time.”

Bokuto rolls his eyes. “Well maybe you two just haven’t been paying enough attention to him.” He refuses to admit that he’s tuned into quite a few of Kenma’s late night live streams, perhaps to the point where it might’ve been detrimental to his health if he wasn’t already immortal. 

“Brokuto, how can you say such a thing?!” Kuroo exclaims, placing a hand over his heart in mock offense. “I love Kenma! Of course I pay enough attention to him!”

Bokuto just sticks his tongue out and folds his arms, leaning back into the couch. 

The corners of Akaashi’s mouth quirk up into a small smile. “Well, I guess that takes care of the gift part of it. Did you write that down, Kuroo-san?”

“Ah, no. What was it, Bokuto? Cyberpark?”

“Cyberpunk,” he corrects, not bothering to hide his second eyeroll of the hour. 

Kuroo hurriedly scrawls it into his notebook before flipping to the next page. “Okay, cool,” he says. “So what should we do for his actual birthday?”

They sit in silence for another few minutes before Akaashi speaks up. “We could go apple picking.”

Kuroo cocks an eyebrow at that and Bokuto can understand why. Kenma really isn’t the type to want to go apple picking. 

Noticing the puzzled looks on their faces, Akaashi explains himself. “Maybe we can use them to make apple pie. Isn’t that Kenma’s favorite?”

“It is!” shouts Bokuto, leaning forward to nudge Kuroo’s shoulder. “That’s two ideas from us and none from you,” he says teasingly. “Aren’t _you_ supposed to be his best friend?”

“And boyfriend,” adds Akaashi, never passing up an opportunity to bully Kuroo. 

“And boyfriend!” Bokuto parrots. 

Kuroo smirks and crosses one leg over the other. “Trust me, I’m gonna give him _a lot_ more than a video game and apple pie on his birthday.”

“Ew, bro!” exclaims Bokuto, reeling back from his friend. “TMI!”

“It’s not my fault that I’m a sex god,” says Kuroo, his smirk still firmly in place. 

“Weren’t you a virgin up until 200 years ago?” asks Akaashi with a raised eyebrow. 

“I was waiting for the perfect moment!” shouts Kuroo, flustered. 

“Mhm.”

It’s Kuroo’s turn to roll his eyes, as he writes down Akaashi’s idea. “Whatever,” he says. “So, should this be a surprise or should we just tell him where we’re going?”

“A surprise!” shouts Bokuto excitedly. 

Akaashi nods. “A surprise.”

Kuroo writes the idea down, as well as a few notes of his own. “Alright then. When do you guys want to go pick up the ingredients for the pies?”

“I can do tomorrow,” says Akaashi. 

“I can’t,” says Bokuto. “Yoshimoto Kouki has a test tomorrow that he can’t miss,” he says.

Kuroo snorts. “I still can’t believe that you went through the trouble of creating a fake identity just to go to college.”

Bokuto pouts. “Well I thought you guys were going to too,” he says, the tips of his hair seeming to droop. “But no, you just left me hanging.”

“We specifically told you not to sign up for college classes, Bokuto-san,” says Akaashi, rolling his eyes. “You told us that you wanted modern education, so you would do it anyway.”

Bokuto’s shouts of “AGGAHSHIIIII” are lost to Kuroo’s loud hyena laugh bouncing off of the walls of the living room. 

The next day finds Bokuto alone in the apartment with Kenma while Kuroo and Akaashi are out shopping for the apple pie ingredients. The thing is, despite knowing him for a good few centuries, Bokuto has always felt uncomfortable when left alone in a room with Kenma. He tries to find things to occupy his time, but the dishes are already clean, the floor has been swept and vacuumed, Akaashi made his bed already (really, what would Bokuto do without him?), and today was a rare occasion on which he had no homework to do. 

He decides to accept defeat, stalking dejectedly into the living room and sitting on the other side of the couch, just a few feet away from Kenma. After a few minutes, he begins to feel awkward. He fidgets a bit, bouncing his leg up and down and playing with his fingers, then he decides to scroll through his phone for about five minutes before deciding that he’s bored of it. Still, he probably shouldn’t open his mouth, lest he risk telling Kenma about the surprise they have planned for him. So he sits.

And he sits. 

And he sits.

And then he caves. 

“So, your birthday’s coming up soon, huh, Kenma? The big six-two-eight.”

Kenma does not look up from his game. “Yeah,” he says, ever quietly. 

“That’s cool,” he says, then, without thinking, he tacks on, “I hope you like the surprise party.” A few seconds pass before he realizes what he’s done. “Wait!” he exclaims. “Crap! I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“Whatever,” says Kenma, eyes still glued to his game. “I figured you guys would do something like that.”

Bokuto visibly deflates. He stands up and walks back to his room, knowing that now he has to tell Kuroo that he screwed up. 

**_to: Kurbro_ **

_i kinda sorta told kenma that we were planning a surprise party_

**_from: Kurbro_ **

_So you can keep your crush on Akaashi a secret for 600 years but you can’t keep Kenma’s surprise party a secret for 6 days??_

**_to: Kurbro_ **

_thats differenttttt_  
_ik akaashi wont ever know that i like him_

**_from: Kurbro_ **

_Why not?_

**_to: Kurbro_ **  
_cause i dont want to live with the embarrassment of getting rejected fir the rest of my life (aka forever!!)_  
_for*_

**_from: Kurbro_ **

_Yeah, okay dude. Let’s just both pretend like he doesn’t clearly like you back_

**_to: Kurbro_ **

_he definitely doesnt_

**_from: Kurbro_ **

🙄

Kenma’s birthday goes smoother than expected. Although he does refuse to be blindfolded during the car ride to the orchard, he complies without much resistance. When they get there, Kenma just raises an eyebrow and asks why. He smiles just the tiniest bit when they tell him about the pies. 

The orchard is quite beautiful. It's covered in all of the warm colors of Autumn with leaves scattered about, and the trees are in peak picking condition. Bokuto thinks it’s very pleasant. Akaashi looks nice too (Akaashi always looks nice). The oversized turtleneck he’s wearing makes him look adorable and huggable, and his brown leather boots look extremely stylish (even to Bokuto, which is a feat in and of itself considering he’s almost exclusively been wearing workout clothes since the beginning of the 21st century).

He strolls around the orchard, exposing a small sliver of skin when he stands on his tiptoes to reach the particularly high apples, and putting his ass on full display when he bends at the waist after dropping one; he's completely unaware of the effect he’s having on Bokuto. The owl-haired man almost wants to pout as he admires those sinful looking fingers grabbing apples and carefully dropping them into the basket. 

That being said, that feeling is nothing compared to the torture Bokuto endures while they’re baking the pies. 

You see, Bokuto can deal with sexual desire. As a 628 year old, it’s almost unavoidable. At some point, you’re just going to have some kind of a sexual experience that makes you want to clench your thighs together and cry. However, this? Seeing Akaashi amble around the kitchen, prepping the apples and rolling out the pie crust with a contented look on his face? Yeah, Bokuto can’t stand it. He isn't sure if Kuroo’s comment about Akaashi potentially being his' has struck a nerve in him, or if Akaashi has reached a level of beauty that is simply too much for the human eye to take, but whatever it is, the ethereal man baking apple pie in front of him is going to put him in an early grave if he doesn’t look away soon. 

Of course, even when looking away from him, Bokuto can’t actually get the image of Akaashi out of his head. Kenma and Kuroo lay wrapped around each other on the floor in front of him watching gaming videos on the TV, Akaashi is to the left of him in the small kitchen baking apple pies and humming contentedly to himself, and Bokuto, simply, just cannot take it anymore. If he doesn’t kiss Akaashi right now, he's going to die right here, right on the couch, immortality be damned. 

So he stands up, strolling over to Akaashi with a borderline shy smile on his face, prompting the other man to look up at him questioningly. 

“Bokuto-san, I told you I don’t need any help,” he says, pouring brown sugar into a bowl filled to the brim with apples. 

Bokuto’s eyes dart all around the kitchen before settling back on Akaashi. “Yeah, I know,” he says, an easy smile gracing his lips, replacing his nervous expression from before. He can do this. 

He stands there for a few more seconds until Akaashi looks back up at him, this time with a hint of amusement on his face. “You’re restless,” he says, and he’s right, though he probably would never guess the reason why. “Would you like to place the apples into the pans while I cut the pie crust?”

“Sure!” says Bokuto. He walks around the island and grabs the wooden spoon out of Akaashi’s hand to scoop the apples into the pie crusts while Akaashi cuts strips of dough for the top. As soon as he’s finished, he looks back at Akaashi, who is wrapping up his own task. Akaashi notices him staring and looks his way, then just past his shoulder at the pantry. 

“Can you grab the sugar?” he asks. Bokuto does, heading back to the middle of the island with Akaashi and watching him place the crust in a criss cross pattern on the pies. Once he’s done, he grabs a baster and begins to lightly coat the top of the pies in an egg wash. When he grabs the sugar from Bokuto, their fingers brush together lightly, and Bokuto can swear that the other’s breath hitches. Akaashi sprinkles a layer of sugar on top of the crust before turning back to Bokuto. “What,” he says, somewhat nervously, an exasperated smile settling over his features. 

Bokuto shrugs, grabbing his hand with a smile of his own. “I dunno,” he says. “You’re just really pretty today, ‘Kaashi.” He looks down at Akaashi’s lips, then back up to his eyes, and they lean forward at the same time. 

Then, the oven beeps, and the moment is gone. Akaashi pulls away abruptly, grabbing a pie in each hand and attempting to open the oven with his foot, seemingly trying to get away from Bokuto as quickly as possible. However, as awkward as the air between them is right now, Bokuto doesn’t want him to drop all of their hard work, so he grabs both of the pies from Akaashi’s hands. Akaashi startles, letting the oven snap back closed before gaining his composure.

He reaches down with one hand to open the oven and lets Bokuto slide the pies in, then he sets his phone timer for 50 minutes and hurries over to the couch just as Kuroo and Kenma click out of youtube and decide to watch a movie. Because he’s the birthday boy, Kenma gets to pick, and he chooses Groundhog Day. When Kuroo asks him why, he shrugs, stating that he too has wanted to drop dead on multiple occasions but couldn’t because of powers beyond his control. Bokuto can empathize with that; he’s pretty sure that the level of embarrassment that he feels right now would surely be enough to kill any normal person. 

The next day, Bokuto wakes in the early morning to find Akaashi munching on a slice of cold pie and vanilla ice cream. He almost considers turning around and heading right back to bed, but the dull pang of hunger in his stomach reminds him that he probably wouldn’t like that option. For someone who doesn’t actually need food to survive, Bokuto eats quite a lot. 

He steels his nerves and heads into the kitchen, hissing slightly as the cold hardwood comes into contact with the bare bottoms of his feet. He doesn’t look back at Akaashi as he greets him. “Good morning,” he says, eyes focused intently on the stream of orange juice coming out of the carton as he pours himself a glass. 

“Hello, Bokuto-san,” he hears from behind him. 

He stays silent, opting to take a long swig of his orange juice before trying to find something else to occupy his eyes. He searches for all of four seconds before he whips around to face Akaashi, feeling all of the air leave his lungs as he catches sight of him. He’s practically drowning in an oversized t-shirt, one shoulder exposed from the way the material hangs on him. Bokuto can’t see the lower half of his body, but he’s almost certain that it’s just as cute as the upper. He almost can’t take his eyes away from his shoulder, but he manages, if only for them to land on the man’s face instead. The messy bed hair and sleepy blue eyes do him in, and before he can think, the words are tumbling out of his mouth. 

“Akaashi, dude, you have no right to be this gorgeous this early in the morning.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath from the younger man, and it’s said that you could hear the sound of Bokuto’s palm smacking over his mouth from everywhere within a two mile radius of the apartment. 

“I- uh, I- I mean-” he stammers, but Akaashi cuts him off. 

“You think I’m gorgeous?” he asks, barely concealed disbelief coating his features. Bokuto just nods, face beet red. Akaashi blinks once, twice, and then- “But- I-” he clamps his mouth shut, looking annoyed at himself. When he opens it again, a much more controlled sentence comes out. “But you’ve met so many better looking people in your lifetime,” he says, this time not bothering to hide his skepticism. 

Bokuto’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. He places both of his palms on the counter across from Akaashi, leaning forward until they’re almost nose to nose and shaking his head. “I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,” says Bokuto. He smiles softly. “And you’re right. I’ve met a lot of people. But,” he leans in even closer, “none of them ever compared to you.”

Akaashi reaches out, a tentative hand settling on Bokuto’s cheek. “Thank you, Bokuto-san,” he says. “I think you’re beautiful too.”

And this time, they actually kiss. Bokuto tastes cinnamon and vanilla on Akaashi’s lips and smiles wide, getting as close as the island between them will allow, moving his hands up to hold both of Akaashi’s cheeks. Akaashi, in turn, reaches his free hand up and grips his shoulder, almost as if he's afraid to let go, as if Bokuto will disappear and the last 600 years of being his best friend will have been a dream. Bokuto nibbles on his bottom lip, intent on proving to Akaashi (and himself) that this is real, that this is happening, that their centuries of pining have finally come to a head. 

When they finally separate, Bokuto wastes no time in walking around the island and pulling Akaashi into a tight embrace, burying his face into his hair and breathing in his scent. “‘Kaashi,” he sighs. He moves so that their foreheads are touching and they’re looking into each other's eyes. “I love you,” he says, and he wonders why he held it back for all those years. Saying those words are the easiest thing he’s ever done, and he will never deprive Akaashi of hearing them again. 

Akaashi smiles gently, leaning in to peck his lips. “I love you too…” he trails off and looks at Bokuto questioningly, almost as if asking for permission. 

Bokuto almost laughs at the absurdity of it all. They’re nearly 630 years old and have just kissed, yet Akaashi still won’t drop the honorifics with his elders. “I love you, _Keiji_ ,” he says, giving Akaashi a teasing look, to which the younger responds with an eye roll. 

“I love you too, Koutarou,” he says. The words give off a feeling of wholeness, as if to say that Akaashi loves Bokuto, and he will never love anyone else in the way that he loves him. The thought leaves a fuzzy feeling in Bokuto’s chest and he can feel his cheeks heat up. He doesn’t need to see Akaashi’s face to know that he knows exactly what Bokuto’s thinking, so he closes his eyes and leans in again, wanting to feel the smooth press of his lips once more. Their mouths touch, and it feels like being reborn.

And thus, the story ends, with the two immortal fools getting together and unwittingly winning Kenma yet another new video game. This goes to show that it is probably not the best idea to place bets with a stockbroker, or maybe that you shouldn’t doubt the intensity of Bokuto and Akaashi’s love, or perhaps even the full extent of their stupidity. Truly, their idiocy was something to gawk at, but after centuries of pining, Kuroo couldn’t be too upset with them, even if he was six-thousand yen poorer.

**Author's Note:**

> Another fun fact (because you deserve it): I based this entire fic off of this line: 
> 
> "So you can keep your crush on Akaashi a secret for 600 years but you can’t keep Kenma’s surprise party a secret for 6 days??"
> 
> and I think that's beautiful. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Also, if you didn't recognize Yoshimoto Kouki (Bokuto's fake identity for school), look him up. I promise you won't be disappointed😼


End file.
